Welcome to Brettsing.com

Recently, I got a chance to interview Paris Hilton from the sensationally popular television show on PAXTV.......The Broadway Diva Diaries....part two......like.

Paris: Would you like to start the interview now?

Jonny: Yes.........Um......oh....Do you know like Gwen ummm Stefani?

Paris: I do, but I'm not sure what that has to do with my show 'The Simple Life' which isn't actually on PAX---

Jonny: Right....uh......and.......yeah so is it like warm?

Paris: Is what warm?

Jonny: You know, you like always say "That's warm." and like um oh....uh.....yeah...oh "Doves Sit!"

Paris: Um.......

Jonny: So like, um.....ya know.....did you know I once like did an ummm oh..interview with umm.....oh....Ellen Degenerate?

Paris: You mean Degeneres? I know her, I was on her show and dressed her up for her birthday, she's a good person, we had fun.

Jonny: Yeah....so......like.......um........so you're like um really rich?

Paris: My family owns the Hilton chain of hotels.

Jonny: Um....oh.......can I have some money?

Paris: No.

Jonny: Oh..............can I stay in a hotel room for free, and then have some like.....money?

Paris: No, but you can get on with this interview, I do have other things to do today. I actually have to go and work on my new CD.

Jonny: They like.....oh....um....oh......gave you a.....like......CD? Who?

Paris: The CD is of me.

Jonny: You like cant like you know, like you can't sing, like.

Paris: Yes I can.

Jonny: No you can't, like, no, like.

Paris: So anyway, this season on my show we're interns and we go around and work for the money to buy bus tickets. Traveling by bus is um......interesting.

Jonny: I'll bet it like is......oh..........is, so do you like.....oh.....yeah....oh....know Patrick....um...like....oh...Duffy?

Paris: Who?

Jonny: Remember, like, oh, like....he was on that show, Climbing the Stairs one stair at a time....like...with the stairmaster lady...Jane Suzanne....like.....oh.?

Paris: What?

Jonny: You know, it was like the Brady....like.....Bunch only it took place in........oh....Wisconsin or something, and they rode a roller coaster every day.........oh......in the......oh.......opening credits.....I wish I could ride a roller coaster every day. Do you have a roller coaster?.............Like?

Paris: Several of the hotels have indoor roller coasters, yes.

Jonny: Do you ride them every um......oh.....day.

Paris: No.

Jonny: Why not? Oh.

Paris: Because I've got lots of other things to be doing. Modeling, my singing career, my TV show, lots of interviews like this one and television shows.

Jonny: Oh...um....oh.....like....do you fingerpaint?

Paris: Are you kidding, I'm out of here, this is SO not hot.

Jonny: Fingerpaint with....like......oh...........me! I like to fingerpaint.....like! Sometimes I fingerpaint while having pork parties with Stacey and the gang. Ahh, how I miss those days. Pork parties, and oh.....like......oh......and....porking, and fingerpainting......like!

Sound Guy: You never fingerpainted in the comic strip Jonny.

Jonny: Yes I did. Like. I fingerpainted the.....oh....day my PA got ripped off by....um.....the evil lowell bot.....well, I didn't finger--oh--paint, I but I painted.....when my PA got oh ripped off then red paint oh came out and yeah I smeared it all over...and um, like. With my.....you know....and my fingers. Like, Oh.

Paris: That's so sick.

Sound Guy: I think you should probably go. Thanks for coming Ms. Hilton, sorry about our host.

So as you can see, Paris and I had a lot to talk about. She tried to steal my boyfriend, Richard Gere, but I slapped her ass so hard she couldn't see for three weeks, and then she re-thought trying to take my man. Our interview went very well, so anyway, catch French Hotel on her show The Greyhound Bus Tour on TBN: The Bible Network, on Thursdays, Sundays, Saturdays, and Wednesdays.....and Mondays. Thanks for reading my column!

I got to sit down with ellen degeneres, star of that show, on that women tv'network, like, douche, or Oh Baby, or Panty;s or whatever. Yeah, so her name is Ellen Degeneres, I think the show's called something like, Ellen Feneris, becuase they didn't want to keep her name or whatever, you know how they do that.

Jonny: So, you're like a dyke now.

Ellen: Well, I came out in my series Ellen in 1996, it was groundbreaking and a very important moment in my life. Did you just say dyke?

Jonny: So, I saw your show the other day, you had those gay guys on from that one show. Since you're gay, and they're gay, did you have sex?

Ellen: Well, I have a girlfriend, we've been together for several years now. I love her very much. See, they're gay, and they like men, but I'm gay, and I like women, so us having sex really wouldn't work.

Jonny: But a penis goes in a vagina.

Ellen: Well, yeah, but only if you're straight.

Jonny: Straight trippin' boo?

Ellen: Um, ok so, why don't we talk about my show a little more. Its kinda funny you know, being on a talk show, being interviewed about my talk show.

Jonny: Its kinda like that movie, where I when back in time, and me and Bill, that's my friend, had like, a totally excellent adventure. And then three years later, we had a very bogus journey.

Ellen: Well, that's now quite what I meant, but ok.

Jonny: Say, um, can I ask you a person question, Melon?

Ellen: um, its ellen, yeah.

Jonny: Are you that girl Trinity from the matrix, because I can't remember who I worked with and I'm pretty sure that it was you because you have boobs and she had boobs.

Ellen: I wasn't in that movie, that I know of, I did see it, and thought it was really interesting, though I didn't understand parts of it.

Jonny: I didn't understand any of it, but so, you were in that one movie about doctors, Med TV?

Ellen: Um, no...oh, Ed TV with Matthew McCoughney. Yeah.

Jonny: What was it like working with that Edward McNawhey?

Ellen: Um, it was great, we didn't really have that many scenes together, most of them were over the phone, but he's a really great guy, I'd do another movie with him.

Jonny: Yeah, he's cute, I was thinking about having sex with him, did you have sex with him?

Ellen: No, no I didn't...and um....wouldn't because I'm a lesbian, remember?

Jonny: That's that's right, you're a lesbian, you act in plays and stuff.

Ellen: No, that's a thespian.

Jonny: Yeah, and sometimes you sleep with men from Lebanon for money.

Ellen: Well, luckily I havn't had to do that, I'm making ok money on my show.

Jonny: Do you like to dance?

Ellen: Yeah, I do, I actually have a segment on my show called show us your moves and I'm learning all kinds of interesting dances from around the world.

Jonny: I danced once to distract Martha and make her run the giant penis into the building, I was a pretty pretty princess.

Ellen: The giant penis into the building, you were a princess?

Jonny: Yeah I wore pink and everything, I looked like a cupcake that grew a body, and a beard, and a head.

Ellen: Wow, that must have been special.

Jonny: It was, it was a good time in my life, I'm thinking about taking up drag, Eldon Degenerate, you're a drag queen aren't you.

Ellen: Well, no, I think they're fun though.

Jonny: No, I know you are, I know your drag name, its Ighotta Vagina.

Ellen: Uh, well, um........

Jonny: You can catch the Meloned Head Nenneris show friday night at 12:30pm every friday, sometimes on tuesdays too, if Eldoned gets her drag makeup off

Ellen: The show's on daily at 10 on Oxygen.

Jonny: Yeah, that station where they teach you how to breathe, sometimes I forget how and I watch it, I like it because Isaac Mizrahi is on it and he is gay like me. Gay like me. Gay like me. Gay like me. Oh!

I recently got to like, sit on, er, sit down on. Oh, sit down with Sarah Jessica Parker, Star of CBS’s Sexy in My City. Here’s what she had to say.

Jonny: Thank you for taking the time to sit down with me for a bit, Parker Posey.
Sarah: Um, it’s a pleasure to be here. And my name is Sarah Jessica Parker.
Jonny: Ok, Ms. Posey, so your show Sexual City is like, popular?
Sarah: Uh, Yes.
Jonny: Wow, that’s cool. So I guess that like makes you famous or something. Can I have your autograph?
Sarah: How about after the interview?
Jonny: Like, ok.
<Pause.>
Sarah: Was there anything else you wanted to talk with me about?
Jonny: Oh! Like, I guess. Yeah, so, you recently had a baby. Was that like, cool and stuff?
Sarah: Yes, bringing new life into the world is a beautiful thing. The experiences of motherhood have been such a tremendous journey for me.
Jonny: I’ve never had a baby before. I bet it would hurt.
Sarah: Yes, you’re a boy.
Jonny: Oh like, but I’m gay though.
Sarah: You’re still a boy.
Jonny: So, you’re like married to like Ferris Bueller. That’s crazy! Does he really like, do all that like, crazy like, stuff like in the like, movie?
Sarah: Actually I’m married to Matthew Broderick. He is the actor who portrayed Ferris Bueller in the 1986 comedy Ferris Bueller’s Day Off.
Jonny: Oh, so like, Ferris Bueller isn’t real?
Sarah: No.
Jonny: Oh! Like, well, I guess that’s about all the time we have for now. Thank you Sarah Michelle Gellar, for this wonderful interview.
Sarah: Um, yeah, Goodbye.